"Art is not what you see, but what you make others see." Edgar Degas

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

A List Of 25 Things You Should Never Do


A List Of 25 Things You Should Never Do:
(feel free to print a mirror image and staple to your forehead for ready reference)

First, the obvious things you should never do:


1.     Staple anything to your forehead
2.     Kill someone
3.     Take something that doesn't belong to you
4.     Betray the trust of a loved one (or a stranger for that matter)
5.     Use it's for anything other than as a contraction for it is or it has

Next, some less obvious ones:

 
6.     Eat too much, drink too much, sleep too much (or do too little of any)
7.     Despise (or admire) someone for something they were born with
8.     Call someone Hey, Guy (unless that's their name), or Fucko (unless you catch them doing something on this list)
9.     Have sex with a child, a sibling, or another species (sorry, Fucko)
10.   Eat meat (this one applies only to vegetarians, pescetarians, and vegans).
10.   Repeat numbers on a list

Next, the clich├ęs:

11.   Put the cart before the horse
12.   Throw out the baby with the bathwater
13.   Throw out the baby without the bathwater
14.   Throw out a baby

For lovers:


15.   Confuse lust for love (or vice versa)
16.   Deny or withhold love
17.   Turn your back on love
18.   Use love as a weapon
19.   Fall out of love

And finally:


20.   Intentionally tie up traffic on the busiest bridge in the country as political retribution
21.   Roller skate in a buffalo herd
22.   Work your entire life at a job that grinds your soul into a fine powder
23.   Take something that happens in Vegas out of Vegas
23.   Go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line
23.   Double repeat numbers on a list
24.   End a sentence with a preposition
25.   Make a list telling people what they should or shouldn't do (sorry, Moses)


That's all I can think of right now. Feel free to add your own.